“The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting their beliefs.

So relationship is one of the most powerful tools for growth…if we look honestly at our relationships we can see so much about how we have created them.”   Shakti Gawain, Creative Visualization

“Our time out of relationship is just as important as our time in it. Indeed, it may be said that, when we are alone, we are preparing to be in relationship and, when we are in relationship, we are preparing to be alone. Hopefully, we begin to learn the lesson of our last relationship before we go into a new one. Then we can experience new challenges and grow in new ways.”  Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, page 119.

“Coming to completion in relationship is an internal task, not an interactive one. We do the best we can to separate in a dignified and loving way and to support each other in pursuing our new lives. That makes it easier for us to come to completion. But completion itself depends on our willingness to use relationship to move into greater appreciation of and fidelity to who we are and what we need. Then, we don’t betray ourselves in the next relationship.” Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, page 120.

“The more clear we get about who we are and what we want in a relationship, the easier it will be for us to be honest with others. That honesty will prevent us from getting involved in relationships with people who are unwilling to respect our experience or to work consciously with the unconscious material that inevitably comes up in a relationship.”  Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, page 120.

“To have inner peace as our single goal we need to correct the erroneous belief that justified anger or grievances bring us peace. Anger and attack simply do not bring peace of mind.”  page 102

“Today, allow yourself to have the single goal of inner peace by putting all your attention on the following thoughts: Today I will view without judgment everything that occurs. All events provide me with another opportunity to experience Love in the place of fear.”  page 102

“Evaluating and being evaluated by others, a habit from the past, results at worst in fear and at best in conditional love. To experience unconditional Love, we must get rid of the evaluator, we need to hear our strong inner voice saying to ourselves and others, ‘I totally Love and accept you as you are.’”  page 98

Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., Love Is Letting Go Of Fear.

Photo taken at Yuko-En by Robin Hamon

“You can be sure that God did not create relationship so that we would betray ourselves. Indeed, it is quite the opposite. The purpose of relationship is to insure that we learn to be faithful to ourselves.  One of the paradoxes of relationship as a spiritual path is that we give our power away to others in order to learn to honor ourselves more completely. We become co-dependent with others in order to learn how to have better boundaries. We blame others so that we can learn to be gentle with oursleves and forgive our own mistakes.”

“It is all a set-up. We look for love and happiness through other people only to learn that we can find love and happiness only in our own hearts and minds. That is the recognition in which the ‘We’ is born.”

Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, A Guide To Growth And Happiness For Couples On The Path, page 101

“Honest, non-blaming communication is necessary on a regular basis in a relationship. The essence of communication is listening. First we must listen to our thoughts and feelings and take responsibility for them before we can express them to others. Then, once we have expressed how we think and feel in a non-blaming way to others, we need to listen to how others think and feel. At least to two thirds of all helpful communication involves listening.”

“There are two ways to listen. One is with judgment; the other is without judgment. When we listen with judgment, we don’t really hear. It doesn’t matter whether we are listening to another or ourselves. In either case, judgment prevents us from hearing what is being thought or felt”.

“”Only when we accept the content of what we think or feel or what others think and feel can we really hear what is being said. Without acceptance, listening doesn’t happen.”  page 68 & 69

“But to come into this dialog each person must be willing to take responsibility for his or her experience and respect the experience of other people. That means you can no longer make your partner responsible for what you think, feel, or do and your partner can no longer make you responsible for what s/he thinks, feels, or does. S/he must accept your experience as it is and  you must accept his or hers. That is one of the greatest gifts you can give each other.” page 100

Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, A Guide to Growth and Happiness for Couples on the Path.

Photo taken by Nicole Wolcott.

“When you really think about it, every cycle of change and period of individuation is about self-discovery. It is an opportunity to reflect, to integrate the past to allow ourselves to grow a little more. Of course, if we shut down when changes come, we don’t grow.  And life is all about growing; life is about becoming more and more of who we are and creating more and more of who we can become.”  page 134

“Letting go of the old and taking hold of the new is an integral part of living a fruitful and fulfilling life. When we hold on instead of letting go, we pay a big price. Mentally, emotionally, and physically we tie ourselves to the past instead of living in the present. Our souls feel stifled and unhappy.”  page 135

“Painful experiences of loss offer us special gifts: a deeper understanding of our soul and our purpose in life, the breaking open of our heart, the awakening of compassion, the mobilizing of courage… I have come to believe that many of us learn our greatest lessons of love through experience of loss. We feel the deep hurt of loss when someone dear to us moves on and we are alone and unsure of what to do next. It is at these moments that the tender hand of God may touch us because we are hurting, no longer captive to the habitual rhythms of our life and therefore more receptive to inner experience and divine guidance.”  page 156

Marilyn C. Barrick, Ph.D, Sacred Psychology Of Change, Life As A Voyage Of Transformation

Note: The book, Positive Thoughts for when Life Presents You with a New Direction, is very motivating and helpful.  I suggest getting a copy of this book and reading the entire piece from above as well as the other poems and writings from Deanna Beisser. I have enjoyed it very much!