Posts Tagged ‘Improve Communication’

Having Trouble With Relationships?

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

“The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting their beliefs.

So relationship is one of the most powerful tools for growth…if we look honestly at our relationships we can see so much about how we have created them.”   Shakti Gawain, Creative Visualization

“Our time out of relationship is just as important as our time in it. Indeed, it may be said that, when we are alone, we are preparing to be in relationship and, when we are in relationship, we are preparing to be alone. Hopefully, we begin to learn the lesson of our last relationship before we go into a new one. Then we can experience new challenges and grow in new ways.”  Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, page 119.

“Coming to completion in relationship is an internal task, not an interactive one. We do the best we can to separate in a dignified and loving way and to support each other in pursuing our new lives. That makes it easier for us to come to completion. But completion itself depends on our willingness to use relationship to move into greater appreciation of and fidelity to who we are and what we need. Then, we don’t betray ourselves in the next relationship.” Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, page 120.

“The more clear we get about who we are and what we want in a relationship, the easier it will be for us to be honest with others. That honesty will prevent us from getting involved in relationships with people who are unwilling to respect our experience or to work consciously with the unconscious material that inevitably comes up in a relationship.”  Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, page 120.

Self-Preservation

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

“To hold joy, we may sometimes have to fight for it, we may have to strengthen ourselves and go full-bore, doing battle in whichever ways deem most shrewd. To prepare for siege, we may have to go without many comforts for the duration. We can go without most things for long periods of time, anything almost, but not our joy, not those handmade red shoes.” page 254

“…It is from a poem by Charles Simic and it is the ultimate instruction to us all: ‘He who cannot howl, will not find the pack.’ If you want to re-summon Wild Women, refuse to be captured. With instincts sharpened for balance-jump anywhere you like, howl at will, take what there is, find out all about it, let your eyes show your feelings, look into everything, see what you can see. Dance in red shoes, but make sure they’re the ones you made by hand. I can promise that you will become one vital women.” page 254

Read the story of The Red Shoes in “Self-preservation” on page 215 of Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

Communication And Relationship

Monday, May 24th, 2010

“Differences are as important as similarities in a relationship. It’s easy to love people who agree with us and share our values and interests. It’s not so easy to love people who disagree with us and have very different values and interests. To do this, we must love unconditionally. Our love must be based on acceptance, not on agreement.”  page 57

“Honest, non-blaming communication is necessary on a regular basis in a relationship. The essence of communication is listening. First we must listen to our thoughts and feelings and take responsibility for them before we can express them to others. Then, once we have expressed how we think and feel in a non-blaming way to others, we need to listen to how others think and feel. At least to two thirds of all helpful communication involves listening.”

“There are two ways to listen. One is with judgment; the other is without judgment. When we listen with judgment, we don’t really hear. It doesn’t matter whether we are listening to another or ourselves. In either case, judgment prevents us from hearing what is being thought or felt”.

“”Only when we accept the content of what we think or feel or what others think and feel can we really hear what is being said. Without acceptance, listening doesn’t happen.”  page 68 & 69

“But to come into this dialog each person must be willing to take responsibility for his or her experience and respect the experience of other people. That means you can no longer make your partner responsible for what you think, feel, or do and your partner can no longer make you responsible for what s/he thinks, feels, or does. S/he must accept your experience as it is and  you must accept his or hers. That is one of the greatest gifts you can give each other.” page 100

Paul Ferrini, Creating A Spiritual Relationship, A Guide to Growth and Happiness for Couples on the Path.