“But you can significantly reduce the amount of negative judging that you do, and this is a kind of forgiveness that will help to improve the quality of your life dramatically. The first thing to remember about judgments is that they do not alter anything or anyone in the universe. Just because you dislike someone or react negatively toward some behavior does not change the person or the behavior you are judging. I remind you again to keep in mind that when you judge another, you do not define that person, you define yourself. Your judgments only say something about you. They describe your likes and dislikes. They do not define the person being judged. That person is being defined by his or her own thoughts and actions. Once you recognize this, you begin replacing your inclination to judge with acceptance, and this is forgiveness in action.”

“When you accept others, you no longer experience the hurt that goes with judging them. When someone acts in a way you find disagreeable, understand that your hurt, anger, fear, or any strong emotion is how you have chosen to process that person’s behavior. If you are unable or unwilling to notice that emotion and subsequently let go of it, then it is your self that is in need of the attention. That person’s behavior has collided with something unfinished or unacknowledged in your life. Distress at the person’s behavior is your way of avoiding something inside of you. A fine distincion, perhaps, but a very significant one.”

Wayne W. Dyer, You’ll See It When You Believe It, page 276.